we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
