so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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