I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
