Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
