happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
