Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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