he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
