new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
