better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
