I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
