I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
