i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
