we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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