I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
