when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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