that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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