AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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