FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize