feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
