wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
