anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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