I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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