Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize