Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sext me about skeletons
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
