i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
