if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
cat food counts as protein by the way
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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