that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
