turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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