??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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