I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
