Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize