Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
