Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
