If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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