Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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