am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I didn't notice because vodka
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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