My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize