she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
