We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
