I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
