Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
