The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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