even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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