Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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