This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
