Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You pole danced in your parka.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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