They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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