Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize