We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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