Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
