My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
