he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
