I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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