rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
