could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
