oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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