I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think my mom watched the whole time
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
