got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
