How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
