Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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