I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And then he peed in my hair
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
