I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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