a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
