i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
