just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
