when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
