I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize