I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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