Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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