She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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