Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
