Pregnant stripper...not hot.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
