This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
