I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
