dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
