i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
