The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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