friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
