I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My balls are so social today.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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