i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
