If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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