HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
