She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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