Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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