Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize