So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
