somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
worst night to have a conscience
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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