Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
