Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
