you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize