Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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