I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
