Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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