I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
