Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
