they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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