I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
