White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
