At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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