id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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