Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
